What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
