I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
