My balls are so social today.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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