Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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