Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
