Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
