I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize