Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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