lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
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he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
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