Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
