What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
