Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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