hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
