I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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