it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
