Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
