If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
