Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
