you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
