You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
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Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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