these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Barsexuality is the new black.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
