Duck Duck Cougar?
if only i could text you this smell
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
