Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
