If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
