the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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