My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
