if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
