90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
