If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He kissed a someone with a penis
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
