god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
