Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
