I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
