She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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