I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
