; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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