Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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