There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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