Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
