I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
