all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
