Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
