cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
