WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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