Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
