I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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