dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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