just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
