How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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