strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
