I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
