When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize