Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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