I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
