Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
