But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
