And the cops told us we were all naked.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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