You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
