So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
