Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
