um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's shark week go big or go home
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
