Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up backwards on a recliner
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
