Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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