I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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