I think my fart just growled at me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
