if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
