better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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