I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
