We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
