im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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