The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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