Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
