Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im part way to drunk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
